(Warning to the unwary: This text contains sarcasm, irony and acid humour. Prepare some boldo tea! You'll need it).
We all love the sweet illusion that the world, or even life, owes us something. Well, sit back and get ready for a hefty dose of reality.
Yes, this pill is bitter and many refuse to swallow it, preferring to live in a world of frustrated expectations and constant disappointments. But the time has come to wake up from this childish dream and face the ‘real world’. So let's start by ‘setting fire to the playground’.
The Fallacy of Deserving
From an early age, we are fed lies. Wait a minute, I'll explain: we come to believe the idea that if we behave properly, Santa Claus - the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and others - will bring us presents. So we grow up and swap the good old man (and the others) for other figures: bosses, partners, friends... Extremely convenient! It's a good thing we've learnt, isn't it? We've come to believe that if we follow all these rules, we'll be rewarded.
But to make this clearer, let's take a simple example:
Imagine the universe as a huge cosmic restaurant. You walk in, sit down at a table and wait anxiously for the waiter to come round with a smile on his face and a menu full of wonders. Well, surprise, surprise! There's no waiter. There's no menu. In fact, there isn't even a kitchen. Welcome to Planet Earth! In this restaurant, you are the chef, the waiter and the customer. So if you want to eat, you'll have to get off the sofa and prepare your own meal.
As the sarcastic philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche would say: ‘You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way and the only way, there is no such thing.’ In other words, no one is going to serve up your happiness on a silver platter.
Hannah Arendt gave us an interesting perspective when she said: ‘No one has the right to obey.’. To paraphrase more acidly: no one has the right to expect life to be fair, simply because they have decided to be a decent person.
‘Life isn't fair and because of that we don't get what we really deserve’ - a Buddhist proverb I've just made up, but which could well be true.
Yes, all this may sound quite ridiculous, but that's exactly how many of us act.
Universal Debt and Expectations
Many of us grew up believing that the world owed us something. Perhaps it's happiness, success, love or simply fair treatment. But, as the brilliant and acidic Dorothy Parker once said: ‘Gratitude is a canine disease.’ And, apparently, expectation is a human pandemic.
Think about it for a moment: if everyone believed that the world owed them something, who would be the universal creditor? It would be like a cosmic pyramid scheme, where everyone expects to receive, but no one is willing to give.
And this is where an inconvenient truth comes in: the more we expect something from others, the less we will be satisfied. It's like trying to squeeze water out of a stone - you'll only end up with skinned fingers and a stone that now hates you.
The British writer Virginia Wolf said: ‘There is no barrier, no lock, no bolt that you can impose on the freedom of my mind.’ We are, however, masters of creating mental prisons and the greatest of these is the expectation that others owe us something. We expect our friends to understand us without us having to speak, our partners to anticipate our desires and the world to reward us for simply existing.
I'll be honest: nobody is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about yourself. People are busy dealing with their own lives, insecurities and dilemmas. To think that they have the time or the obligation to meet our expectations is - to say the least - self-centred.
The freedom of letting go
Now, before you fall into a pit of existential despair (although this can be quite invigorating from time to time), consider the positive side of this apparent cosmic nihilism. If nobody owes us anything, we don't owe anybody anything either.
Freedom! We are free to create, to fail, to try again, without being bound by the chains of other people's expectations and also of a recognition that may never come. We can live according to our own values and desires, without the need for external approval.
Because - seriously - happy people don't waste their time filling other people's bags. So if someone decides to bother you, know that they certainly don't have anything else to do and yes, they are unhappy - even if unconsciously. It's as simple as that!
The philosopher Simone de Beauvoir astutely said: ‘Let nothing define us. Let nothing subject us. Let freedom be our very substance.’ And the irreverent Oscar Wilde also observed: ‘Be yourself; everyone else is already busy.’ If nobody owes us anything, we have all the freedom in the world to be exactly who we are and/or who we want to become.
The Irony of 100% Responsibility
It's ironic and peculiar how, when we give up the idea that the world owes us something, we start to take full responsibility for our lives. We can no longer afford to outsource the blame, because this business of blaming fate, the stars or our neighbours for bad things - good things or even things that don't happen at all - simply ceases to have any value, it disappears. We are, in fact, the architects of our destiny, because we build it over time through our actions (choices).
As the Greek philosopher Epictetus said: ‘It is not things that disturb us, but the opinion we have of them’. So by changing our perspective and accepting that nobody owes us, we can focus on what really matters: our actions and our reactions.
Let's say that with this change of attitude, we turn expectation into action, hope into planning and ‘why me?’ into ‘why not me?’.
Let's say that we start to resemble Schrödinger's famous cat, but with the big difference: instead of being alive or dead in a box, we are simultaneously free and responsible for our own existence. That's a fascinating and terrifying idea, isn't it?
The Great Paradox
The most interesting, curious and ironic thing is that when we stop expecting the world to owe us something, that's when we start to receive more from it. That's right, that old philosophy of Letting Go in order to Receive.
Let's take a practical, real-life example:
During the years I lived in Berlin, I worked as a bartender in a bar in Kreuzberg. Usually, at the end of the working day - between 3am and 5am - I would go to another bar in the neighbourhood. There I would sit by the bar, sipping a cocktail while smoking and reading a book. Anyone who thinks I went to this place in search of interaction with humans is mistaken - I didn't give a damn about anyone. But on the very nights when I most wanted to be left alone, an absurd number of strangers would try to strike up a conversation. Often with the most ludicrous ‘reasons’, ranging from asking to borrow a lighter to asking what I was reading and in what language. One memorable evening I found myself giving love advice to a stranger who wanted to light my cigarette with his own lighter - he wasn't even a smoker!
The brilliant Marie Curie, who certainly didn't expect the world to hand her scientific discoveries on a radioactive platter, said: ‘Nothing in life is to be feared, only understood. Now is the time to understand more in order to fear less."
Survival in the Real World
With Marie Curie's quote in mind, I've come up with these small, simple steps - nobody says you have to follow them!
Don't expect applause or a pat on the back for doing the minimum (or the maximum).
If you decide to do something, do it of your own free will.
Learn to say No.
Study and learn to question. Knowledge frees you from being a fool.
Stop doing things out of obligation and do them by choice.
If you want to see something realised, then be ready to do what needs to be done.
Accept that gratitude is a bonus, not an obligation.
You control nothing but your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Don't let the important things become urgent.
Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice.
Complaints are declarations of love for problems, so don't waste your time on them.
Stop giving advice that you don't follow.
Go and look after your own life and leave other people's lives alone.
If your speech has nothing to contribute, stay silent.
What other people think about you is their business, not yours. So don't try to convince anyone of anything.
The philosophy of ‘So what?’
As Nietzsche declared (yes, him again) before he went mad (or became fully conscious): ‘What doesn't kill me makes me stronger’. Well, he may have gone mad, but the point is still valid. Life will continue to owe us nothing, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can start building something meaningful.
Buuuuut maybe - and just maybe - we owe life something. Does that frighten or relieve you? Because if we do owe something to our life, what are we doing to ‘clear that debt’? Are we becoming what we'd really like to become? Or are we just content to follow models previously established by people whose intentions we don't even know? Here's a thought.
Summary for the Impatient
The world owes you nothing. No satisfaction, no explanation, no fulfilment. The only person who has any obligation to you is yourself. And that, paradoxically, is the best news you could ever receive.
My opinion on all this
As someone who has expected a lot from the world and learnt the hard way, I can tell you that understanding that nobody owes you anything is the first step towards a more conscious and less frustrated life. Is it painful? Yes. Is it necessary? Absolutely.
So don't see it as a sentence of hopelessness, but an invitation to autonomy. This is the key to the cage you built yourself. It's the permission you never knew you needed to live your life on your own terms.
In my humble and slightly sarcastic opinion, embracing this ‘truth’ is like taking a shot of reality with a twist of freedom - it burns instantly, but leaves you feeling lighter and possibly dancing with much more ease.
Now, how about leaving the comfort zone of expectations and diving into the ocean of action? If this article has shaken you up (or your ego), you might like to explore more provocative content here on the blog.
Feel free to leave your comments, suggestions and even share this article with those who also think there's a great conspiracy where the universe is plotting a personal vendetta against us. And, of course, share it with that friend who is still waiting for the universe to pay his bills.
However, if you're someone who really thirsts for more content that challenges your perceptions and perhaps even your sanity, be sure to venture into our UN4RT backstage. There, we go beyond the surface and dive even deeper into these uncomfortable concepts.
PS: If you've got this far and are feeling personally attacked, great. That was the intention. Now go do something about it, because, well... no one will do it for you.
‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’ - UN4RT
Well, well, well... if you're like me and like to dig deep into things like there's no tomorrow - the sources, references and inspirations for this article are there. Go and read it. Just don't complain later and say I didn't warn you.
Santa Claus, a character whose origins are linked to the figure of St Nicholas of Myra, a bishop born in Turkey in 280 AD. The present-day image was popularised by illustrations in the 19th century and in 1930 by advertising campaigns for a famous soft drink brand.
Easter Rabbit, The rabbit is a symbol associated with fertility and rebirth, originating in ancient Egypt, where the rabbit represented new life. The tradition also relates to the worship of the gods of spring and fertility, such as the goddess Ostara, whose symbol was the rabbit.
Tooth Fairy, a mythical figure that forms part of a children's tradition in various countries.
Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Twilight of the Idols and Human, All Too Human.
Hannah Arendt, Responsibility and Judgement.
Dorothy Parker, American writer and poet known for her acid humour.
Virginia Wolf, A Roof All Your Own.
Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex.
Oscar Wilde, the quote in the text is often attributed to the Irish writer known for his sharp humour, but there is no concrete record of it actually being written or said by him.
Epictetus, Epictetus Handbook.
Schrödinger's Cat is a metaphorical experiment created by physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935 to illustrate a paradox in quantum mechanics. The experiment illustrates the concept of quantum superposition, which suggests that until a system is observed, it can exist in multiple states at the same time.
Berlin is the capital of Germany and one of the most important cities in Europe. With a rich history, the city has been the centre of momentous events. Today, Berlin is known for its cultural diversity, vibrant nightlife, street art and tourist attractions.
Bartender is the professional responsible for preparing and serving drinks in bars, restaurants, nightclubs and events. As well as mixing cocktails, they must also be familiar with preparation techniques, flavour combinations and often offer customers an interactive experience.
Kreuzberg is one of Berlin's most famous neighbourhoods. It is part of the Friedrichschain-Kreuzberg district and is known for its diversity, alternative art scene and intense nightlife.
Marie Curie, a Polish scientist who became a French citizen and pioneered the study of radioactivity. She was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize and the only one to receive the award in two different categories.
Vendetta, a word that comes from Italian and means revenge. It is used to describe a prolonged quest for retaliation, usually involving family disputes or between rival groups.
Mark Mandon, The Subtle Art of Switching On.
Ayn Rand, The Revolt of Atlas.
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